Would you like to know how to accidentally adopt a donkey in
18 easy to follow steps?
1.) Make a friend in Mississippi by bonding over
your shared love of horses.
2.) Move back to Illinois and live your life.
3.) Stalk her Facebook page randomly and see that
she has moved to Oklahoma and is asking about fence recommendations.
4.) Give her fence recommendations, ‘cause you know,
you’re a freaking BOSS when it comes to fencing recommendations.
5.) This causes her posts to show up in your
newsfeed so you see that she is rescuing a donkey.
6.) Think that that is cool and follow her progress
with the donkey regularly.
7.) See that the donkey has bitten the hell out of
her and she wants to put him down.
8.) Be raised by a crazy Chihuahua rescuer so that
you think, “Oh, he just bit a little bit. That’s not so bad.”
9.) Call her to try to talk her into giving him
another chance.
10.) Realize
an hour later that you just agreed to take the donkey.
11.) Curse.
12.) Convince
your boyfriend to house a very bitey little stud donkey (which are called Jacks),
because the cows need a guardian to protect them from coyotes.
13.) Congratulate
yourself on your clever ruse.
14.) Sing
Dominick the Donkey, the Merry Christmas Donkey repeatedly for at least a week.
15.) Consider
learning to drive a trailer just so you can go get your new donkey friend, who
may or may not be possessed.
16.) Panic.
17.) Pay
someone to pick up and haul the donkey.
18.) Fall
in love with Dominick, your newly adopted donkey.
Sing it with me now!
Hey! Chingedy ching, Hee-haw, hee-haw
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching, Hee-haw, hee-haw
Our brand new little donkey.
La la la-la la-la la la la la
La la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da!
And now we have a little friend, his name is Dominick.
A bitey little donkey, he will sometimes even kick.
When you come to the V-Y, With Dominick you'll be.
Because I could not say no, to adopting a donkey!
See, how easy was that?
